finding my destiny

the central issue in my life, for the past 2 or 3 weeks, has been my health; i've been experiencing a particular symptom, one that has flared up now and then, all my life.  most of the time it's not present; and when it does happen, the longest it's ever lasted before has been 4 days.  so, this time, going on 3 weeks, i began to get a little concerned.  and, when friends have asked, "how are you?", i've been telling them about it.  big mistake!!  i didn't really want to tell them, but what else could i say and still be truthful?

so, i told them ... and of course they freaked-out!!  almost without exception, they told me i'd better get myself to a medical doctor!  and, of course, i explained my reasoning to them: that an MD would just pick some pills for me to take -- and the pills, instead of addressing the cause of the problem, would suppress the symptom of it, which would in fact make the real problem just that much harder for the body to access and heal.  that, of course, got them staring as if i'd been speaking Chinese!  one of them even insisted that she was TAKING me to see a doctor!  i told her to give me 2 more days, to see if i could heal it myself by then; and she agreed. 

that was just last night.  and this morning, lying in bed, i realized: "hey, wait a minute!  no one has the right to give me any such ultimatum -- i'm not 10 years old anymore!!"  if people choose to believe in the "medical model", that's fine; but they have no right to impose it on anyone else.  imagine the reaction if i told one of them that she would absolutely have to surrender herself to a "witch doctor", and that i would take her there!  the fact is, what works for some people does not work for others; what is medicine to one may be poison to another!

the Bottom Line is, our lives are not our own in the first place.  we come into this world, and we go out of it, by the grace and with the consent of the Big Kahuna.  when it's time for us to go, all the pills and doctors in the world will not be able to keep us here; and UNTIL it's time for us to go, there's nothing in the world that will take us out.  and, meanwhile, it's essential that we each follow our own path, be true to ourself, do things in the way that feels right to us!  so, let's all just relax and enjoy the ride....  and, from now on, when people ask how i am, i'm just gonna say, "better every day!"

something else i realized this morning, lying in bed, doing my self-reiki: for these weeks that this "health crisis" has been going, i've been whining about it, and saying, "oh, dear, how come this is going so long, when's it going to stop?" ... and, for at least a year now, i've been looking to "find my destiny" -- as it says in The Alchemist -- (after what i had thought was going to lead me to it, was taken away from me) ... and this morning the light bulb finally came on!  my "destiny" right now is to heal this "health crisis" --- DUHHH!  no medical doctors, no witch doctors, just me and the Big Kahuna, straightening things out.  i've been living with this all my life (guess why -- because a medical doctor told me, when i was in high school, that there was no alternative, that's just the way it would be ... and i was dumb enough to believe him!) -- what a great opportunity this is to heal it once and for all....  and my destiny, at every moment in life, is simply (in the words of Don Miguel Ruiz) to make myself HAPPY!  is that simple enough???  i don't need to do anything grand and monumental; just Be Happy, moment after moment after moment!

i'm sure that realization alone started some major healing in me; and i lay there and did more with the self-reiki.  in just the past few weeks (hmmm, just around the time that this "health crisis" started!), i've been sent 2 books (The Infinite Way, and Practicing the Presence) written by a "Christian mystic" named Joel S. Goldsmith (thanks to my friend Michael, who is fast becoming a beacon of Johrei in upstate New York!) ... and a book written by a Doctor of Chiropracty and Naturopathy -- Richard Bartlett -- called Matrix Energetics: the Science and Art of Transformation (thanks to Nichijo, friend and spiritual advisor and renegade Buddhist priest).  what perfect timing!

Goldsmith speaks in terms of "realizing the Christ" (which he says is never a person, but a state of consciousness) ... and Bartlett speaks in terms of quantum physics (photons and waves and particles, and infinite possible realities) ... and, for a year or so, i've been attempting to use reiki to access what i've been calling "the Source-dimension" within physical matter....  and it seems to me, all these are just different ways of describing the same thing!  that really began to sink into me this morning.  i was lying there, experimenting with incorporating Dr. Bartlett's method into my reiki session ... when i realized also that this very thing was shown to me beautifully, years ago(!), by a spiritual entity (one of the very, very few i've ever actually seen) named Iris....  Iris had the ability to dematerialize and rematerialize things with just the touch of her hand -- and she did that with my whole body!  i was just GONE for a while, the body and the consciousness both...!  i thought, at the time, "wow, that's really NEAT!!"  but i didn't apply myself to learning how she did it....  now i see that what she was doing was no different than what Dr. Bartlett does.  i've been practicing his method since reading his book -- and i don't quite have the hang of it yet!  what it really entails is looking at the whole of reality in a different way than we've been taught; seeing everything as nothing but "light and information" -- waves of light, which have infinite possibility until we "collapse the wave" by focusing our attention on a particular outcome ... and our attentiveness itself changes the light from a wave to a particle, and manifests an event in our physical reality! 

this is something that's been knocking at my consciousness, intellectually, for some years ... but there's a world of difference between intellectual knowing and Real Knowing (the kind you can actually do things with!) -- and, in this case, i'm still in the intellectual phase.  but now i realize how imperative it is to get to the place of Real Knowing with this.  it's exactly what i've been working toward with the Source-dimension idea ... and now i have the perfect laboratory specimen to practice on: my current "health crisis"....

believe me, i'm going to be practicing!

i'm feeling much better already....